My friend told me she was having a baby.
This brought back some memories of when
We were married two years, and decided it was
"You've done it! You're pregnant!"
I was estatic! I bounded home, waiting for Mr. Happy
"You're going to be a Daddy!!"
*Reality check*
We had 7 months to get used to the idea, and it
Monthly checkups came and went.
The due date arrived and of course I fully expected
As we strolled into the hospital, overnight bags in
We came to the doors of the maternity ward and the
Instantly we heard three voices raised in harmonious
The nurse cooed and fussed, getting me into hospital
For several hours the contractions were mild. I closed my
Mr Happy, being the supportive man that he is, stood
More doctors came to check my progress. But this point
During an exceptionally long gust of labour pains, Mr Happy
Finally, after being lifted from the bed, Ok more liked rolled
So I have to lumber to the bed, with two people holding this
After several winded pushes, and looks to Mr Happy
All wrapped up in a warm blue blanket, Damian is handed
*blink*
I thought newborn babies were all pink with fuzzy hair
He was........ E.T. He came out face first instead of turning
*blink*
"He's a perfect healthy baby boy!!!" The nurses
Knowing he wasn't going to be a conehead for the
Two hours later, his "wee nose" *was* popped back out,
I was staring into the face of my father.
All in all, the first time experience of giving birth
Which I did.
Damian and Lucifer were born.
Oh boy, the memories.
time to pro-create. After a few months of trying and
finally getting it right, my doctor gave me the news.
to arrive. Pacing, smiling, rubbing my tummy.
When he got home, I sat him down and held his hand.
He beamed. He was thrilled.
Then both of us at the very same time blinked really
hard. We were going to be parents.
seems it took that long to just get used to the fact that
I was in fact pregnant.
A few problems here and there.
We went to childbirthing classes.
I would not have any drugs during labour.
We decided this baby was going to be nursed.
I was going to be mother nature.
All was set.
I packed on 50 lbs and thought I looked "cute".
In truth, I looked like Shamu the killer whale.
to go into full labour, and perhaps within 2 hours
deliver a strong healthy baby.
Two weeks after the due date the doctor decided
this baby needed a nudge and I was to be induced.
I think that comment alone caused my water to
break that very night.
hand, we nervously looked at each other, each looking
for strength from the other. Courage to face the unknown,
because let's face it, we KNEW this wasn't going to be a walk
in the park.
nurse pushed us through. Noting that 4 other women
had recently been admitted that evening as well.
tones. I thought we'd walked into an audition for the
Three Tenors. I was immediately impressed with the
octaves these women were reaching. And was instantly
terrified.
gown. I was a little bashful as she did the intial exam to see
if I was dilated, but got over it. She's a woman,
why be bashful.
eyes, listening to the full fledged opera taking place in the
rooms adjacent to mine. Then the contractions grew in
intensity, to the point where if anyone in the room moved,
I felt it. I felt the air move every time someone breathed.
A monitor was attached to my tummy to measure the
contractions and the babies heartbeat.
beside me, watching the monitor, smiling and commenting
"Oooooo here comes a big contraction!"
No shit, I can't even breathe. I wanted to hit him, but
refrained.
they could have had the entire local news team with cameras
at the end of my bed, I didn't care, just get this OVER with.
The labour was only 9 hours, entirely back labour. The
opera in the adjacent rooms continued, louder and with more
gusto, and I grew continually more anxious to join in
the
choir.
tries to tell me how to breathe, I quietly tell him to shut up and
die... then I hear a new voice, and angel I swear, spout a
chorus of cuss words in the room next to mine. All I could
do was take a deep breath and yell out
"YOU SAID IT SISTER!"
into the bathroom to sit upon the commode, the baby decided
to crown. Right there where I was sitting.
To add to the drama, Mr Happy and my mother hold up my
hospital gown so the doctor can get right in there with a
flashlight.
There is nothing classy about giving birth.
stupid hospital gown out, a babies head poking out of me,
without falling, or dropping the kid right there on the floor.
I know this is difficult to picture, it wasn't pretty.
that screamed "You did this to me, you will pay", I hear
the mewlings of a new born baby, followed by a gusty
wail. I did it. I have given birth. I didn't take any medications,
I was very proud of myself.
I couldn't wait to see and
hold my perfect beautiful child.
While they stitched me
up (believe me, you DON'T wanna know),
I held out
my arms.
to me. As tears fell down my cheeks, I peer for the first
time at my 9lb 1 ounce bundle of joy.
and smelled like baby powder. This wasn't what I was
seeing at all.
his little head to the side, therefore, he was born with his
little nose pressed right tight against his face. He was
a little bruised and his skin was very dry and peeling from
being 2 weeks late.
And... his bald head was about 2 feet long
from the effort to squeeze
through the birth canal.
beamed. "His wee head will go back to shape within
2 weeks, and his wee nose will pop right back out in no
time!" She cooes and sighs.
rest of his life with a flat nose gave me the comfort I
needed, because I was about to say "Gee Mr Happy he
looks just like you!"
and it was time to learn how to nurse him. His little face
wasn't bruised anymore so I could really get a good look
at him. As the nurse fought to secure one mammoth
colostrum filled breast, I looked down into my newborns
face and halted the nurse sharply.
My son looked exactly like my Dad.
This made relaxing and nursing a difficult task.
Needless to say, I failed at it. And have a great
respect for women that breastfeed and don't mind
feeling like a goat.
made me feel like I conquered the world.
And I was quite willing to do it a second time.
To be continued....
Take me home!
Main Dave's Chronicles