Two years after the birth of Damian, my sister
This time I wasn't nervous at all.
We walked into the maternity ward for the second time,
I had been shopping all day with my sister.
When Mr Happy and I got to the hospital, we fully expected
There were no 'waves' that came and went, so I could sleep
For another full 8 hours, I yelled, I cried, I cussed and begged
Finally, after 18 hours, and probably an entire pharmacy
As I lie there, anticipating what was going to be handed
A perfectly formed, 7lb 1 ounce pink baby with no conehead
I blinked right back. I looked at the nurse.
"Where's the rest of him?"
*THIS* tiny creature caused all that trauma???
And one stitch.
I told my friend, that is expecting, nothing of these
"Giving birth is the most natural, beautiful experience
She can hit me later.
got married. I was in the wedding party.
It was the wedding of all weddings.
Two pregnancies occured that night.
Mine was one of them.
Whew whatta party.
Don't ask.
My pregnancy was wonderful.
I only gained 22 lbs.
However, this baby was again two weeks late.
I heard choruses of shrieks, mournful wailings, thinking
to myself "Heh, I didn't shout once last time!" Very smug,
and very ready for another relatively easy labour and
delivery. Besides, "They" say, the second is always
easier. To whoever "they" are.... You're WRONG!!!!
For 7 hours I was in the first stages of labour.
Finally pushing a grocery cart, stopping every once in
a while to pant quietly till the contraction passed.
We got to the cash register and the grocery clerk literally
THREW the groceries through, she didn't want to see
the miracle of birth in HER aisle.
to be told that I was quite dilated, after all, I'd already been in
the beginning stages for 7 hours. I wasn't dilated at *all*.
They told me that I should get some sleep, because I would
be there a while, and gave me sleeping pills. No problem.
However just as the pills were taking effect, my water broke
and hard labour started instantly.
for a few minutes in between. Oh no, I wasn't going to be
let off that easily. Being dopey on sleeping pills only made
it worse, there was no way to concentrate, and as each
contraction piled on, I was desperate and joined in the
chorus of tenors with a voice that not only blended in, but
reached octaves THEY couldn't even reach.
for drugs. I figured this baby had to be the size of a 4 year
old. Every time I was examined, I sat up, I think I did a very
good impersonation of Linda Blair in "The Exorcist" with
my head spinning around and deep gutteral warnings to
get the hell away from me. Mr Happy was ready to call in
a priest, and we're not even catholic.
pumped into me, Lucifer made his way into the world.
As I said, I expected a 40 lb baby, with a conehead, no nose
and probably horns and a tail for all the pain I just went
through. I expected a thousand stitches, but was told I
needed only one. I was flabergasted. How could I pass
a 40lb bowling ball and only need one stitch??
to me, steeling myself for it, another blue blanketed bundle
was placed in my arms.
and a real nose blinked up at me.
Lucifer.
This tiny little baby, with an actual normal head and
nose took 18 hours to squeeze out? As it turns out,
the sleeping pills slowed everything down. Duh, no
kidding. And all the pain killers managed to do was
freak me out.
I will however state, that with all the pushing I did, I
was not without penalty. Without going into detail, we
all know what happens to your backside if you push anything
too long.
The people at "Preparation H" love those that push.
I'll just say this.
"Fruit basket", and they were all named.
experiences. I told her what everyone told me.
of a woman's life. An achievement, a thing of
exquisite wonder. Truly a gift from God to be giving
the opportunity."
*smirk*
Take me home!
Main Dave's Chronicles