COTTAGES!
When you don't own your own, you mooch off your loved ones...
or at least make friends with someone that has one, for the summer anyways.

Summer mooch #1 was "The Bala Retreat", Kibbie's house.
(my older sister, well, one of 'em anyways, the other one, Karen,
doesn't have a cottage so i have to mooch OTHER stuff off of her...)
I packed up Damian and Lucifer, and drove up for the weekend.
Upon arrival, little Jack stands at the door....little hands clapping, smiling
brightly "dave dave dave!!!! joeyjosh!!! joeyjosh!!!" As we step out of the
car, he runs screaming. Ok not exactly screaming,
but i don't think i looked like what a 'Dave" should look like to a 2 1/2
year old, I dunno.

Unfortunately, the weather was *not* co-operating and it rained, all weekend,
but that didn't stop the demon cousins from frolicking outside.
The three of them, trudging through an outdoor adventure,
like Tom, Huck and um...baby smurf.
Finally, soaked, they come in, hungry of course.

I think Josh was in a mood.
For why, I do not know.
But his Lucifer side was really showing.
Jack, cute as can be, decides he wants yogurt and says so......
"Want yoguts!"

(I smile, thinking this little lad will eventually learn to be mannerly. like my boys.)

Kibbie, the earth mother, on bended knee, eye level to Jack,
smiles and says "And what do you say?"
We all wait for his cute reply of 'Peas!'
But unfortunately, hear something else.
Josh walks by, mumbles "Now!" And keeps walking.

Like, let's have a moments silence out of respect for his dead manners, shall
we? SOMEONE has been spending too much time with Mr. Happy...

Jack got his yoguts. And after, didn't wish to be changed into other clothes,
was quite vocal about it actually. During his small tirade, Josh walks by,
looks at Jack, and mumbles "Humph, attitude".

I was sitting at the kitchen table, my hands moving together, forming an
imaginary grip around his wee neck.

I swear Joey didn't say a word all weekend. And why should he?
KIBBIE has a satelite dish.
We have three channels that come in when the tv antenna feels like working.
'Nuff said.

Mooch #2 was Patty's cottage.

I learned three things this weekend.
I have bad lungs.
I can't swim very well.
I am unco-ordinated.

Ok two of them I already knew, but the swimming thing was a surprise to me.

I basically suffer from nasty bronchitis.
I quit smoking recently for ....various reasons.....
and now suffer from the worst case of bronchitis i've had in years.
*doing my best Alanis Morrisette ~ isnt it Ironic???~ *
Anyway...bygones. Patty had a ventalin puffer, mine is dead......
so she lent me hers. As soon as i got there, i dove off the dock,
wheezed my way back to shore, stood there gasping, took a puff
(god, i remember when taking a puff included toxins flowing in my lungs, not meds....)
and miraculously could breathe again.

SOOOOOOOOOO what do we do???
Hook the ski biscuit inner tube of death to the back of the speed boat.
Me, Patty, Damian, Lucifer, Patty's son Teddy
(the original lucifer but handed down his crown) and his friend
Scott climb into the boat, out to the middle of the bay.....
and the Queen of the Castle, bound in a lifejacket (cuz it's law)
daintily steps up to the side of the boat to climb into the
skibiscutinnertubeofdeath, and promptly falls overboard into the lake.
When i come up for air, i notice the tube is upsidedown over my head,
at least giving me a chance to stop blushing and make up a
"I meant to do that" story.

I climb back onto the boat and gingerly perch on the edge this time.
Placing both feet on the tube i begin to rise to move into it.
I swear the world went into slow motion then. Because it was a good 15
seconds between the time i moved off the boat to get into the tube
and fell into the lake for the second time.

The third time i threw grace out the window and just jumped
into the stupid thing with my legs dangling over the edge, and
gripping the handles. Scott told me that the waves hitting against
the bottom of the tube will 'make your butt itch'. Interesting.
I was prepared.

Off we go. And i hung on. .....the waves got a TAD bouncy....
as for making my butt itch....nope. It HURT like HELL, so i had to
hold my entire body flat, lying backwards over the top of an innertube,
going a million miles an hour over 12 foot waves WITHOUT falling off.
This from a girl that sits at a computer 24 hours a day while
the cleaning fairies do her housework.

Of course i forgot completely what the signals were for slow down and
stop....and it's not like i could let GO anyways!!!!....
so all i could do was scream, and scream.....
until half the lake went down my throat from the splashing,
until SOMEONE in the boat finally noticed
that i was skibobbing upsidedown on my head.....
because by GOD i was NOT going to let go.

The engine stops, i feel myself being pulled towards the boat,
hands prying my clenched fingers from the handles,
shaking i am helped into the boat, a towel is thrust in my direction....
the faces of children looking anxiously at me and then Patty.....
a demonic look of pleasure crosses her face.... I then knew.

For all the times i faked injury so i could ride on the back of her cart
through shopping malls, for all the times of teasing and saying
"All my friends are busy so i came to visit you"......payback is hell.

I'm just going over my summer schedule and
so far, all i have down for the rest of july is
2 doctors appointments and changing the neighbours
cat litter when they go away.
I could *really* use some excitement.
Imagine the chronicles if i went to Disney....

Take me home! Main Dave's Chronicles

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