Well, I officially started off *my* monday with a string
of "Dave Moments".

Mr. Happy is gone for two weeks.
Hunting.
Save the hate mail, we're Canadians, we're meat eaters,
and hey, I'm Indian.

He's been gone a week out of the two.
So far so good, right?
I managed to keep me, lucifer, damian and grover alive for a
whole week.

But now we're into week two, and Dave is getting a little
fatigued, a little... worn out, sleepless.... the perfect setting for
Dave moments.

I lost my keys. My whole set. My *ONLY* set.
I can't find them anywhere, I have three late movies that
have to be returned, and no keys to start my car to get there.

After a quick phone call to my neighbour Diane, I gather the
movies because she so kindly offered to drive me into town.
I got my coat, my boots (it's Canada eh? WINTER)
picked up the bags with my movies, locked the door and
stepped outside.

*D U H*

I locked the door.
I'm a safety girl.
I'm a safety girl with no keys.

I just stood there. Staring at the doornob, I don't know why.
Maybe, I thought, if I stared long enough,
it might not be locked.
I even reached out after about 15 seconds of staring to check.
Oddly enough, it was still locked.

What can I do but burst out in laughter, leaning
against my door. Sort of banging the back of my head against it.
Diane looks out her back window, sees me doing it.
And did not say a word about it. The whole way into town.
Making small talk. The weather, the movies... anything but my
latest Dave moment.

We pull into a gas station. She gets $15 worth of gas,
pulls out her bank card, exits the car and starts walking
toward the building to pay. And obviously she can't take
it anymore, turns around, makes the ole
"Finger and thumb in the shape of an *L* on her forehead"
gesture and laughs.

After our errands, I go home and circle the house.
Contemplating a crime.
Break and enter.
I shake the windows I reach, stare at those I can't.
It's a dismal sight.

Finally I went around to the back, to Joey's window.
AHA!!!
The clasp wasn't secure!!!!!!!
But irony sets in.
For two years I was after Mr. Happy to put screens
up over that window so we can open them, for fresh air.
He put one up.
Covered the whole window.
All I could do was close my eyes, wince,
and tear the screen off.
TWO YEARS FOLKS!!!!!!!
I'll never see that screen up again.

Joey has dark green venetian blinds in his window.
Thick, dark and heavy.
I ease the window open, climb up on the ledge
of my back deck and carefully swing a leg in.
I really hoped that I wasn't going to make poor grover nuts.
She's a wonderful watch dog, a great companion, God
knows she's going to go insane seeing someone breaking
into our home.

As I get one leg swung in, through the blinds, I hear
absolutely no noise from inside the house.
And I got paranoid.
Where is my faithful watchdog!!!!
I hope she's alright!!!!
I part the shades, attempting to draw my other leg up and
through the window and I'm stopped short.

There, looking up from the floor of the bedroom, is grover.
Tail wagging, ears perked up, tongue hanging out
of her mouth, head cocked a little to the side.
My brave, fearless watchdog.
Not a bark, not a whimper, at seeing someone's leg
dangling in from a window. I swear if she had
opposable thumbs, she'd have reached up to give the
intruder a hand, maybe offer him some coffee.

After stumbling through the window, and securing it,
pat her on the head, congratulate her on her savagery
and head into the kitchen to drop my purse and
take off my boots.

I unlace my boots, then stand up to toss them into
their place. I happen to glance up at the bill
rack to see what I have yet to pay.
There, on the keyrack below, hang my keys.
Of course.
And where *else* should they be but on my keyrack.

I bother a neighbour for a ride, put up with ridicule in a public
place (is there a better place for ridicule???),
break through a screen that I *KNOW* I will
hear about later, break into my house,
learn my dog would rather party with a robber than try to attack one...
only to find that for the first time in my life
I put my keys where they are supposed to be.

I wish I could say that I planned it... that i was just bored.
But the most unfortunate truth, is I did not. But I do have
the security of knowing that nobody saw me, and nobody
even knows it happened, except everyone on the web
and everyone that Diane is calling, two hours later her phone
line is still busy.

Take me home! Main Dave's Chronicles