Help Save Santa! I remember Christmases past, being up until 2am assembling dragster stips, motocross tracks, bicycles... And of course playing with ray guns, yo yos and slinkies... only to test of course that they work. One year playing Super Nintendo until almost DAWN. JUST to see if the parts are working. We all turn into Tim the toolman Taylor. No matter *what* I do.... SANTA always brings gifts that have to be ASSEMBLED. Sanda doesn't just want cookies and milk anymore. When *I* was a kid, Santa wanted Cherry Liqueur and date squares. Now it seems he wants a Molson and a whole tin of cashew nuts. The old guy is *really * developing some expensive tastes. I don't think he even feeds the reindeer the carrots we leave out either. There's like, a chunk bitten out, and we invariably find chewed carrot in the garbage in the morning. As IF Rudolf would spit it out in the garbage! I remember trying desperately to stay awake, to hear Santa rummaging around. I hope to God my kids don't. Santa, in the past years, has developed a certain... clumsiness, not to mention a vocabularly to make a sailor blush. Tripping over parcels in the dark, spouting a few high pitched yet whispered words because having the lights on would only encourage small eyes to peer from yonder bedrooms. Santa decks the halls with gaily wrapped little chocolates, over-stuffed stockings, bags, parcels and the like. Someone has to tell him to hide the battery wrappings deeper in the garbage bin however. Telltale signs of just how inept he is becoming seems to be everywhere lately. Price tags left on swiftly wrapped parcels? I thought they were built at the North Pole. Are the elves becoming disgruntled? Is it a plot to destroy Jolly Ole Saint Nick's reputation? I tell you, there's little worse than a disgruntled elf. I heard about a recent emailing the elves *allegedly* distribute.... *bad* words censored out of course.... "Santa's Helpers Instigate Terror" Union. I won't say how they shorten that. You figure it out. This was the alleged report: "HO HO censored HO What a crock of S@#T We all work for Santa Claus We've had enough We quit We do all the censored work While he stars in the show Stick your Christmas up your ... butt HO HO censored HO" *shiver* We need to maintain not only the well-being of Santa, but the emotional stability of his faithful servants.Besides the traditional snack for Santa and his trusty reindeer...leave a small envelope with either the short form of the elves Union name (without letting the children see of course) or clearly marked "Dave", (curious similarity, I know) with a small donation for their cause. Do it before they start some GOD AWFUL rumour that Santa doesn't exist! Take me home! Main Dave's Chronicles
Help Save Santa!
I remember Christmases past, being up until 2am assembling dragster stips, motocross tracks, bicycles... And of course playing with ray guns, yo yos and slinkies... only to test of course that they work. One year playing Super Nintendo until almost DAWN. JUST to see if the parts are working.
We all turn into Tim the toolman Taylor. No matter *what* I do.... SANTA always brings gifts that have to be ASSEMBLED.
Sanda doesn't just want cookies and milk anymore. When *I* was a kid, Santa wanted Cherry Liqueur and date squares. Now it seems he wants a Molson and a whole tin of cashew nuts. The old guy is *really * developing some expensive tastes. I don't think he even feeds the reindeer the carrots we leave out either. There's like, a chunk bitten out, and we invariably find chewed carrot in the garbage in the morning. As IF Rudolf would spit it out in the garbage!
I remember trying desperately to stay awake, to hear Santa rummaging around. I hope to God my kids don't. Santa, in the past years, has developed a certain... clumsiness, not to mention a vocabularly to make a sailor blush. Tripping over parcels in the dark, spouting a few high pitched yet whispered words because having the lights on would only encourage small eyes to peer from yonder bedrooms.
Santa decks the halls with gaily wrapped little chocolates, over-stuffed stockings, bags, parcels and the like. Someone has to tell him to hide the battery wrappings deeper in the garbage bin however.
Telltale signs of just how inept he is becoming seems to be everywhere lately.
Price tags left on swiftly wrapped parcels? I thought they were built at the North Pole. Are the elves becoming disgruntled? Is it a plot to destroy Jolly Ole Saint Nick's reputation? I tell you, there's little worse than a disgruntled elf.
I heard about a recent emailing the elves *allegedly* distribute.... *bad* words censored out of course.... "Santa's Helpers Instigate Terror" Union. I won't say how they shorten that. You figure it out. This was the alleged report:
"HO HO censored HO What a crock of S@#T We all work for Santa Claus We've had enough We quit We do all the censored work While he stars in the show Stick your Christmas up your ... butt HO HO censored HO"
*shiver*
We need to maintain not only the well-being of Santa, but the emotional stability of his faithful servants.Besides the traditional snack for Santa and his trusty reindeer...leave a small envelope with either the short form of the elves Union name (without letting the children see of course) or clearly marked "Dave", (curious similarity, I know) with a small donation for their cause.
Do it before they start some GOD AWFUL rumour that Santa doesn't exist!
