~ Dave... this is your life ~
The sunday morning family breakfast outing.
"Yes."
"Wow is it ever big!
They lean over.
"Wow Dave that's really big!"
Other tables look in our direction.
"Ok shuddap already!!!!!"
They stop staring, but I catch them looking at me every
As we walk back to the car, I trip over a snowbank that
I fold my arms across my chest and take a few deep
We get to the manly store and park. I look out my window
My blood pressure has to be high. I'm making sure my
Trying to look interested, I touch some of the tools.
"Er... *clearing my throat*... the uh... hole puncher thing
He just keeps looking at me and shakes his head.
I find them standing around a very large outdoor spa.
"Don't touch anything Dave. Really."
Talk about feeling chastised!! My hands go into my
We discuss the probability of owning a spa. How
I watch the emotions play across his handsome face.
"Yeah, but what if Dave falls in or something?"
Defeated.
On the way home, I'm very quiet.
"You ok Dave? Are your feet cold?"
I turn and glare.
"My FEET are just FINE thank you. As is the tumour sized
There is silence in the car. As three sets of blinking eyes
"Um. Can I get you something? French vanilla
The corners of my mouth twitch. A voice from the
"A doghouse for Dad maybe, Dave?"
I bury my face in my hands laughing hard, such a wise
The rest of the drive home is much more comfortable.
Mr Happy and the demons are already there, getting the
I stand there, blanketed in snow. They say absolutely
That's when I hear peals of laughter.
Reaching into the refrigerator and holding a bottle
Breakfast was nothing more than "ok".
I wasn't even hungry and barely finished my
eggs before Damian and Lucifer started arguing
over who gets Dave's sausages. I sat there
quietly drinking my coffee.
Mr Happy leans forward and pokes me in the jaw.
"Did you know you have a huge zit right *there*"?
Look boys!
Look at Dave's huge zit!"
I suddenly feel like this LITTLE zit has completely covered
my jaw, I'm no longer a woman. I'm a walking puss-filled
lesion.
now and then. My eyes narrow as I look at Mr Happy,
silently cursing him for pointing out my imperfections.
jumped into my path. Squeals of laughter from the
male members of my family further add to my embarrassment.
Getting into the car I'm reminded of what a "klutz" I am.
breaths. As I'm beginning to relax, I'm told we are going to
the newest testosterone store "The Home Depot". I tell you,
the anticipation was so great. *yawn*.
before exiting the car. Watching for lunging snowdrifts,
seeing none I open the door and step out. Into a very deep
puddle. Wet up to my ankles I REFUSE to make them
aware of it. And they don't even notice till we're in the
store, and I follow behind, hearing the tell-tale *squish
squish squish* of my wet footwear on the floor. At least
when they see the wet jean cuffs and soaked leather boots,
they don't comment.
hair frames my face and covers the zit, I avoid aisles with
anything I might trip over. I figure the safest place for me
to be is perusing the cleaning products aisle and to stay
far away from 2x4's. However I'm pulled to the powertool
section to observe a large display of ... whatever those
handheld hole drilling works of manly art are.
How was I supposed to know they were battery packed
and turned on? I pull the lever on one of the drills and
promptly punch a uniform hole in the display case.
Quickly removing my hand from the item of destruction,
I turn to move away and run smack into the orange
aproned chest of an employee. Looking down at me with
an eyebrow raised.
was on and I accidently... well... heh... hmmm"
I furrow my brows, shrug, mumble an apology and
walk away. Noting that Mr Happy and the demons took
off the second I re-decorated the display case. *sigh*
A six-seater. Really fine looking piece of equipment.
I run my hand along the edge, picturing it built into my
back deck. Mr Happy eyes me warily.
pockets.
wonderful it would be, especially in the winter, on a cold
night, to step off the deck into the hot bubbling water,
looking at the stars. Wine glass in hand. Head leaned
back against the headrest. Ahhhhh. I smile thinking
about it. Mr Happy watches me.
And I know immediately he sees a different scene.
A cold winter's night, Dave stepping off the deck, tripping,
diving headfirst into the hot bubbling water, stars dancing
around my head, the wine glass now
broke all over the deck. Concussion, the whole nine yards.
But he has the grace to not say it out loud, for which I
am not only pleased, but appreciative. Then again, he
didn't *have* to say it. Lucifer, sitting on the edge of
the spa speaks for him.
Mr Happy notices.
ZIT on my jaw and my ass doesn't hurt at ALL from tripping
over the snowbank, NOR are my feelings hurt from being
reminded of what a KLUTZ I am. I don't feel at ALL stupid
from drilling a big hole in that expensive display cabinet,
only to have YOU abandon me! I'm just GREAT! THANKS
FOR ASKING!!!!!!!!"
look at me.
cappuccino? Perfume? Flowers?"
backseat...
comment from a 7 year old!
We pull into the laneway, I feel generous enough now
to help carry the load of things we purchased our of the
truck. Arms laden with bags I forge through the snow
towards the backdoor.
door open and I smile at them all, feeling so much better
now, feeling the warmth of their love flood through me.
I enter the carport, stop to readjust my grip on the bags
and feel a weight descend on my head and shoulders as
a big block of snow falls down on me from the roof of the
carport.
nothing. Lucifer buries his face in Mr Happy's coat, his
little shoulders shaking. Damian bites his lip very hard
looking at anything but me. Mr Happy pretends to be
busy again opening the door. I brush the layers of
snow off my head, shake out my shoulders and approach
them. Nobody looks at me. I get in the door, drop the
parcels on the floor while they exit to the basement.
of volcanic tobasco sauce, an evil grin on my face
I quietly begin to prepare
buffalo wings for my darling men for lunch.
Take me home!
Main Dave's Chronicles