I'm smiling looking into the driveway at the GMC Jimmy 4x4
we just purchased, thinking, we're so lucky, we finally got the truck
we wanted.

All i have to do today is pick up a small part for my car in order to sell it,
and get the 10 day temporary plates for the truck to get it safety checked.
*snap* what could be simpler?

Driving down the 401, backwards, during a white out blizzard,
during rush hour, with 10 screaming infants and a mother-in-law
harping in the back seat would be simpler than getting a spare part
and getting a temporary plate.

9:00am

Mr Happy: "Dave, call the auto guy, tell him you need an upper
rad hose for the TBird", sure... i can do that, but do i need to
know anything else? No? Great, i can do that, and i'll get the temp
plates for the Jimmy. I dial the auto guy, hearing the phone ring at his
end, i clear my throat

"Hello, Bob the auto guy" he sorta mumbles
Putting on my business like voice (cuz auto guys really condescend),
"Yes, i need an upper rad hose for my '85 Thunderbird",
very proper to the point, gimme my total and i'll leave you to your
coffee and donuts.

"What size engine?" ARGH. So much for calm, so much for
keeping auto guy in his place by having him think i
know what i'm talking about.
"Um...well... what are my choices?" He's quiet for a moment.
"Well...is the Thunderbird a v6 or a v8?"
Now, he must really think i'm stupid.
Everyone knows a V8 is a beverage, he's NOT gonna fool ME!
I chuckle "Its a v6". Fine. He orders the part.

Mr Happy calls back to state that he also needs clamps,
and how happy he is that the Jimmy is a v6 because that
Thunderbird was such a gas guzzler being a v8.

I silently thwap my forehead.

BUT i have revenge on my mind already.
I call the auto guy back.

"Hello, Mark the auto guy" he sorta mumbles.
AHHAAAAAA the Gods are with me!!! It's a NEW auto guy!!
I can start FRESH and be SMART!!!! YAhoo!!!!
"Yes I'd like to order an upper rad hose for my '85 Thunderbird,
oh, and its a V8!!" No problem, he orders it.
"Also, i need to order clamps for it as well, however, i'm not positive
about the size of those clamps as i don't have the old ones
in front of me, if you could give me the sizes, i'll know which it is".

*Silence*

I'm feeling very superior knowing he's 'in the back' checking the
sizes because even HE doesn't know them offhand.

"Uh Ma'am, they only come in one size, they're adjustable"
I silently thwap my forehead.

I pick up my friend and together we travel to the auto place, and enter the
building. There is an older woman at the counter, she must work there, she's
hollaring something about 'brake pads', with a small man running
to do her bidding. Gosh that was neat to see, i wanted *her* job,
didn't care what it was, i wanted it.

Bob the auto guy is behind the counter... i told him i was there
for my exhaust pipe, then i stop, no wait, it wasn't an exhaust pipe,
it was an air hose! I lean against the counter, head in my hands, thinking
thinking thinking why the HELL was i there.... my friend says
"She'd like her upper rad hose and clamps please".
I whimper something about wanting some coffee, the man
behind the counter bellows "ROLL UP THE RIM TO WIN!!!!!!"
(you gotta be Canadian to understand this), i grab my thermal
modulator (ok, so i forgot it was called a rad hose, gimme a break) and leave.

A few hours later my friend and I head into town to pick up the temp
plate for the Jimmy. No problem. The forms get filled out, she hands
me my paper, says "Lick the corners, and place it on the windshield
of your car, it will stick, it's good for 10 days, have a nice day".
I walk out repeating her instructions. I walk back, with my friend, to the thunderbird, open the doors, sit down,
lick the corners of the paper, and paste the 10 day temporary plate for my
Jimmy to the corner of my CAR window. DDDDUUUUUHHHHHH!
As SOON as it stuck to the window, my friend and I looked at each other,
realized I stuck the paper for the Jimmy to the car and we both scrambled to
unstick it. I did what i was told, even if i stuck it to the wrong
damn vehicle. Putting my head in my hands i wallowed
in self pity for a moment and went home.

Sticking the paper to the Jimmy window, my friend and i get into
the truck, we're gonna take it for a short drive to the donut shop!
My new truck!!! YEAY!!!!!! We get about 100 feet from the laneway and
i notice how very sluggish the vehicle is moving. It's an automatic 4x4.
I panic a little and back it into the laneway again, thinking it must be in 4wl
drive, which isn't good on dry pavement. So, at the top of a
300 foot laneway, i shift the truck into neutral, and move the 4wl
drive shift to....well....some position probably yet to be discovered
and hear a very deep *G R I N D* ooops.
Ummmmm ok that can't be right, let's move it *THIS* way......
*G R I N D creak groan* ohhhhhhh brother... ummmmm after
several attempts to get past the grinding, i realize, i'm up that fabled
"creek with no paddle".

Brainstorm!!! I'll push, and my friend will steer, we'll back it
down the laneway, like we never moved it!!! YES!!!!!!! It only
weighs 20 tons, no problem!!! I'm pushing, Patty is steering,
it crept perhaps 2 meters, and now sits, crossways,
at the top of my laneway.

And there it will stay, till Mr Happy comes home and either yells at me,
or falls down laughing.
Either way, I want my Thunderbird back.

Oh...
and i hate auto guys.

Take me home! Main Dave's Chronicles

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