Ahhhhhh motherhood.
Or is that "ARRGHH motherhood!"

I wanted to go out recently. A real life night on the
own, no not just McDonald's for dinner and a shopping trip at Walmart.
Just me and Mr. Happy, alone. Out. At night. With no kids.
But you know, the preparations were so exhausting i just went to bed.

"Ok" says Mr Happy... "Here's our choices, we can go out for dinner,
say... wings and ribs at Woody Hooks, then maybe we could head
over to the movies, then a drink someplace after."
"But..." says I... "I think i'd rather have steak"
Which moves us to a restaurant way across town,
and then we have to use a different movie theatre, but they
don't have the movie we wanted to see, so we have to take into
account travel time, which (god forbid) will add more to the
babysitting fee.... "Ok" say Mr Happy ... "Why don't we forget the movie,
have dinner and we can just have our drink after we eat?"
I think about this. And realized, I'm not really even that hungry
to begin with. "Well..." sez I.... "Why don't we just go out
and have a couple drinks"?" "FINE!!" Mr Happy says.
But now even this takes some consideration... so I say....
"Like ok.....if we stay up till 2 and i drink too much, are
you gonna watch the kids for a couple hours, or should i get up,
feel crappy, i'll watch them while YOU feel crappy, then maybe
have a nap later? or do you have to work, if so, how about nap
at noon, then i'll start dinner?"

Suddenly I'm sitting alone in a livingroom that was once occupied
by my loving Mr Happy planning a date which i suspect is no longer
going to occur.

Rather than dwell on it, i curl up under my blankets only to hear
a small whisper..... "Dave? I can't sleep"
Josh, my little Lucifer.
Being a truly magnificant mother, i let the 7 year old sweetie
curl up on Daddy's side of the bed (since he wasn't sleepy yet
and was watching augh augh augh Clint Eastwood downstairs).
I lean up on one elbow and we begin to chat.

I asked him how his school day was, i asked if he's getting along
with the 'gross girl that keeps tweaking his nose'...we giggled,
we whispered, then he got very serious.

"Mom" sez damian, er.... josh...."'member maggie, from my class?"
"Yes" ... he's looking so terribly serious now...
"Well....she tole me today, she gots to have her 'testines took out"
I gasped audibly thinking, geez juvenile colitis or something...
"yep, she gots a sore throat and they gots to take out her 'testines"

Do you have any idea how difficult it is, to not laugh when a sweet
little blond haired blue eyed angel is looking up in your face,
getting the whole story wrong??? I gently reassured him that
it was her TONSILS that she has to get 'took out', he nodded,
and i decided we'd best change the subject....

He loves word games...so i begin.
"What's dad's first name" i ask.
"Glenn!!!!" he says proudly.
"His middle name?"
"Arthur!!!!!!" he exclaims with glee
"Ok what's my first name!" i ask.
"Dave!!!!!!" He pounds the pillow triumphantly.

Tragically, i think in my attempt at making sure i had kids as
goofy as me, i seriously warped this one.
If that's not bad enough....

Tomorrow is Mothers Day.
I sent the males of the household out to get groceries for me,
as i was sorta sick last night.

I needed stuff for their lunches, fresh meats, some fruit....
but what i got was 4 packages of hotdogs, 3 bags of chips, 3 bottles
of pop and a box of fruit loops.

*thwapping my forehead* but before i could SAY anything,
i'm presented with a beautifully wrapped package.
Upon inspection, i note there are a dozen, long stem american
beauty roses with a lovely card
"To Dave, you are the best mom, from Joey Josh and Dad"
("from" did you get that? "FROM", reminds me of the anniversary
card i got on my 4th anniversary from Mr. Happy..
"Happy Anniversary Kelly, from Glenn, your husband" can you say d i v o r c e?)
But they were very pretty, so i hug all of them, get a vase,
place them in, arrange them prettily and place them in the living room.
I see Joey looking at them strangely.
He puts his finger to his chin, and says "Hey Dad, they don't look so bad for eleven bucks eh??"

Ok.....yes it's funny, but did YOU get roses????
Are you thinking.... "Sure, get her discount flowers...."
but are YOU looking at a dozen long stem roses right now???
Are you??? The store had a SALE ok??? A SALE!!!!!!

I can't even have a glass of wine to close this one off, have to settle for a
Molson's and my cheap flowers,
and a hotdog, maybe two, God knows we have enough.

Take me home! Main Dave's Chronicles

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